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Poster: Cliff Hucker Date: Oct 4, 2009 7:25am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Lefty's 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

1) At their Colma store, Sprint PCS has programmed some of their sample phones to not only play a Grateful Dead song, but also to flash iconic "Dead" images -- the hippie skeleton, a crown of roses, etc.

2) Jerry Garcia once said that he "produced art like some people sweat." Besides being a pretentious thing to say, no fat, hairy guy should ever draw the conversation towards sweat.

3) Bob Weir has performed in little shorts and a polo shirt since the early 1980s.

4) Bands with two drummers suck.

5) Entire generations of children have been forced to believe that this medium-tempo, country-blues music was somehow better than anything produced since.

6) In the words of Diane Arn, "I don't get what this (pointing to stage) has to do with this (pointing to audience hippie doing falling-down-the-stairs dance)

7) Unlike punks, Deadheads don't fight back. If you slam into them, they give you a hurt look and continue grooving.

8) Body odor. Plain and simple.

9)White guys with smug, self-satisfied expressions doing endless arhythmic undulations and making darn sure that you know what a great time they're having.

10) Slow, old vehicles lacking catalytic converters actually pollute more than efficient, modern ones.

11) Dogs wearing bandanas and oversized sunglasses are not funny (see previous entry).

12) Pop songs are not meant to be 25 minutes long.

13) They hijacked a set from John Fogarty during the 1992 Bill Graham Tribute concert at Golden Gate park, proving that the Grateful Dead can make any song sound identical to the one they just played.

14) You could go to a Grateful Dead show and set up a razors and deodorant concession. You'd go broke.

15) Phish.

16) The adjective "noodling," as it applies to guitar solos.

17) The band has a 100% death rate for keyboardists. And keyboardists aren't even cool.

18) During the 80s, did you ever peek into a friend's cassette collection and find 150 homemade tapes with dates and places written on them? "1/15/77, Red Rocks."

19) They hijacked many punks (including my once fierce little sister), making them into what they once hated, hippies.

20) "Hey, dude, I've got no beef with you! Mellow out!"

21) Tie-dye should, by all rights, have never lasted as a (bad) fashion choice beyond 1971.

22) They were the highest-grossing touring act in the world for the last 5 years of their career, and yet continued to promote themselves as part of a roving community of like-minded peers.

23) My little sister's friends humiliated my dad by telling him he "looked like Jerry Garcia!" while undoubtedly wearing beatific, vacuous smiles.

24) Body odor. Oh, wait, I already said that. But have you ever been to a Dead show? It's strong enough to merit two mentions.

25) Mardi Gras shows included gigantic heads being paraded around by guys wearing stilts. I ask you, where are the mimes?

26) Jerry Garcia died, and yet the band continues to re-form and play under various names.

27) Now that they're old (the ones who aren't dead), the surviving members of the Grateful Dead intend to carry on their public personas as rockers and members of the cultural elite. Witness Mickey Hart's books about drumming.

28) Mickey Hart's books on drumming and percussion have opened the eyes of legions of Babyboomers to drumming from around the world, thus setting up very uncomfortable situations for teenage boys who enter their date's home, only to be assaulted by faux-hip parents grooving to indecipherable drumming.

29) Drum circles.

30) Crop circles. Okay, that's taking it too far.

31) The verb "grooving."

32) The fact that the only good brew pub in the Haight is called "Magnolia," after the Grateful Dead song, "Sugar Magnolia." You can have the psychedelics, but please leave us the beer.

33) 22-year-olds shouldn't listen to 40-year-old rock and roll. It's just wrong.

34) Vegans who smoke cigarettes.

35) When we lived in Seattle, the Grateful Dead would play shows at Memorial Stadium. Two things would happen: 1) The entire of lower Queen Anne would be overrun with hippies. 2) We could hear the freaking Grateful Dead from our place on Capitol Hill. There was no escape.

36) Panhandling kids from upper-middle class homes.

37) My neighbor has a gigantic Grateful Dead tattoo.

38) Twenty-minute drum solos that include bongos, timpanis and weird, gong-like things.

39) Sometimes a Deadhead will talk for more than an hour about the intricate musical changes that took place after Pigpen died.

40) Deadheads somehow equate following a band around with being an artist. Sorry, making friendship bracelets doesn't count.

41) My brother-in-law the Rocket Scientist professes to like the Grateful Dead. It seems unlikely, because he's as straight as they come, and he has a very dry sense of humor, so I'm not sure if he was telling me the truth, but frankly, he kind of intimidates me so I was afraid to ask.

42) Dreadlocks on white guys.

43) Massive groups of people laughing uproariously at stuff that's not at all funny.

44) Dirty, naked kids running around because "they're free."

45) Each member of the Grateful Dead lives in a gigantic house. I live in a small, 2-bedroom place. I'll bet your house is closer in size to mine than theirs.

46) There is in-fighting among the surviving members of the group and mismanagement of the group's business. Dude, mellow out.

47) The word "mellow."

48) The fact that any group with a strong, grassroots following and a good live stadium show is automatically compared to the Grateful Dead.

49) Too many band members. Again, two drummers? Two guitarists AND a keyboard player? Do the guys on stilts wearing the oversized heads get the same percentage of the cut as the guy who hits the timpani?

50) Dirty hippies saying "trips" and "bud" as you walk through the parking lot.

51) Hacky-sack is not a sport, though it is kind of fun to walk up to a bunch of hippies kicking that thing around and say, "I've got winners, okay?"

52) Some of Jerry Garcia's country-tinged side projects were pretty good. As a result, however, Deadheads now claim country and bluegrass as their own, and nothing can destroy a good country or bluegrass show as quickly as a couple of hippies doing the falling-down-the-stairs dance alone in front of the band while everyone else is just watching.

53) Deadhead dads still think that putting their kid in a tie-dyed t-shirt is a totemic expression meaning "I'm not uncool like those other, old dads." Even worse, tie-dyed t-shirts that say "Grateful Dad."

54) Suede boots with soft soles. Totally impractical

55) Tevas with white socks. Tevas with skirts. Tevas with camping shorts. Tevas.

56) Jerry Garcia OD'ing on cocaine in the front seat of his Jaguar.

57) They ruined Ken Kesey. Okay, maybe it was the other way around?

58) Creepy skull.

59) Deadheads seem to lack any critical skills. Or perhaps it's more of a willful jettison of them. Either way, it's hard to debate someone who's bobbing their head and humming.

60) Everything is most decidedly NOT cool and mellow, and sometimes there ARE worries.

61) Even now, some ten years after Jerry Garcia's death, this band who recorded their first single in 1964 still dominates Bay Area culture enough to annoy me.


http://rosenwriting.blogspot.com/2006/04/61-reasons-to-hate-grateful-dead.html

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Poster: Dhamma1 Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:11am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Thanks, Cliff. Never saw that before. Had me snickering out loud (I don't LOL, as rule). :-)

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Poster: RBNW....new and improved! Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:17am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

61 chances and not one mention of patchouli! no that is a surprise to me!!!!

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:35am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Ha--you're right! Maybe they confounded it with body odor?

Those were pretty good, I must say...I did realize, sounding even more like a pretentious old fart, that I missed a number of the references (ie, I had stopped prior to the development of that particular issue).

Do I get a reward for that fact?

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Poster: B.C. Cox Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:39am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 62 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

#62. Beer Barrel Polka

don't forget to omm pa pa clifford.

Attachment: OMM_PA_PA.jpg

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Poster: user unknown Date: Oct 4, 2009 12:52pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 62 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

I guess this is also a reason to hate Dick's Picks 12, 14 & 28 huh?

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Poster: Earl B. Powell Date: Oct 4, 2009 9:17am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

The credenza of the day is yours.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 4, 2009 2:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Awards Ceremony?

"oh...OMG!...oh...ohhhh!!!...uh...I'd like to thank the Forum...uh...all the Forum members...er...WTF! Hey!!! Why you little motherf...LET GO OF MY CREDENZA!...Beyonce! Help Beyonce!"

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Poster: Earl B. Powell Date: Oct 4, 2009 4:38pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Awards Ceremony?

LMAO. That's funny, amazing how really bad my short term memory is for pop culture. (Oh yeah, Knabe West, yeah that's right, isn't it?)

OK fun's over, back to Munich or Gdansk or Malta or Yalta...and get the job done this time or come home on your shield.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 4, 2009 5:49pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Awards Ceremony?

Ha! Yeah, Iran needs a comeuppance...Yalta's not far, and of course, Tehran is right smack in the middle, but my passport might be an issue...here's a shot of me and my friends last time I visited Persia...



Yeah, it's funny that South Park had made an episode about that guy's ego, and then he pulls this stunt! If my kids didn't keep me informed about current events via South Park and such, I'd be clueless...have to admit, Beyonce moved up a notch on my scorecard with her class act response to let the gal have her 15 minutes of fame in her place, or whatever it was she did for the poor kid.

Attachment: Teheran_conference-1943.jpg

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Poster: ride_her_like_a_surfer Date: Oct 4, 2009 2:59pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Someone brought this post over to LL and some Admin over there locked the thread down. What a anal-retentive bunch of folks they have running things there. Too Funny!

Attachment: 1918.jpg

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Poster: Styrofoam Cueball Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:10pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Alert! Differing, humorous opinion! Alert! Lock-down mode initiated! ;-)

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Poster: Styrofoam Cueball Date: Oct 4, 2009 1:20pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

100% death rate, my ass: Dig TC.
Photobucket

This post was modified by Styrofoam Cueball on 2009-10-04 20:20:21

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 4, 2009 2:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Very good catch, SCB!

I will you my credenza award!

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Poster: Styrofoam Cueball Date: Oct 4, 2009 3:41pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Daw! Thanks WT...

Actually, that list is funny. 61 reasons to Love the Dead wouldn't be as funny, all bogged down with sincerity and earnestness as it would be...

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 4, 2009 5:57pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Uh...well...er, you might have missed it...I am afraid that little jerk K West broke it (see description of the award ceremony above) just as Earl, the MC, was handing it over...fortunately, Beyonce, Miss D, was gracious enough to let me bring out my Indian friends to say a piece a la Marlon Brando, but the award was compromised. Can't get his ego to let go of it...

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Poster: hippie64 Date: Oct 4, 2009 3:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

61 reasons to hate the DEAD This shit is funny ecspecially cause there so wrapped up in there own world to think of one reasons why they're the gratest. FUCK"EM AND FEED "EM FISH HEADS thats what my "Nam BUDS" would say, underline BUDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Poster: RBNW....new and improved! Date: Oct 4, 2009 1:51pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

99%

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Poster: deadpolitics Date: Oct 4, 2009 1:24pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

You mean, Gandalf?


hehe hehe hehe

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Poster: lobster12 Date: Oct 4, 2009 3:02pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

The "grateful dad" one is priceless

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Poster: skies Date: Oct 4, 2009 8:03am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

The only reason i could think to not like the grateful dead as mush nowadays would be to see about half douzain dead jerks i have to hear already jiving here all the times !Mandojammer, C. Hunker ,banditos, bluedevil ,the most boring quartet not worth another dead show !NA !

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Poster: banditos33 Date: Oct 5, 2009 7:46am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Nice Cliff and once again Skies you have contributed nothing to this forum and probably life. Stop breathing and go to the light.

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Poster: Mandojammer Date: Oct 5, 2009 2:38pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: I am honored..........

....to share the special recognition with you, Cliff and bluedevil (sorry about the thrashing this weekend BD, no, not really).

Good company indeed..........

Cliff "Hunker" - chuckle.

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Poster: jglynn1.2 Date: Oct 5, 2009 2:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: I am honored..........

The most boring quartet!!

;)

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Poster: bluedevil Date: Oct 5, 2009 3:04pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: I am honored..........

I'll buy the first "round" when Skies takes our order (how do you say "do you want fries with that" in french?):

PARIS — French culture and American convenience will come together in December – thanks to plans by the McDonald's restaurant chain to hang its shingle in the shadow of the Louvre.

McDonald's is delighted at the prospect of feeding hungry culture vultures. But not everyone is happy about mixing high art and fast food.

The McDonald's will be installed in the food court of the underground mall adjoining the museum, known as the Carrousel du Louvre, as the fast food chain fetes its 30th anniversary in France, McDonald's France said.

The pairing could serve the interests of both. The Louvre is the world's most visited museum; France is McDonald's top market outside the United States.

In France and elsewhere, McDonald's is emblematic of U.S.-driven globalization and the homogenization of cultures. However, the fast food chain's chief executive, Jim Skinner, said in an interview published Monday that the reason McDonald's is such a hit in France, where it has over 1,000 outlets, is that "we are perceived as a French enterprise."

The McDonald's on the famed Champs-Elysees Avenue is the most profitable in the world, he said. The interview was published in the economic daily Les Echos.

The Louvre refused comment on the expected arrival of its new neighbor. Spokeswoman Aggy Lerolle said only that it is not up to the museum veto McDonald's arrival since the Carrousel is run by a private company rather than the state-run museum.

However, some French are indignant about mixing French fries and art treasures in the backyard of the former palace of the Sun King, Louis XIV.

The Web site louvrepourtous.fr, which is aimed at keeping museum visitors informed, is among those whose hackles have been raised at the coming of McDonald's, even in a food court where a variety of restaurants offering cuisines of the world are present.

"Rendezvous in December for a Mona Lisa Extra Value Menu," it wrote, contending that the Louvre could have, and should have, put its foot down.

Some saw McDonald's taste for art coming long ago. In January 2007, the culture wing of the large CFDT union decried what it said was the "Disleylandization" of French culture, claiming the state is looking to turn museums into theme parks. It cited plans for the so-called desert Louvre, to open in 2013 in the United Arab Emirates, and the arrival of a Starbucks coffee house near the Louvre.

"When will McDonald's set up shop?" the union asked, perhaps more presciently than it wished.

McDonald's says no date has been set for its opening at the Carrousel du Louvre.

European art and what passes for American cuisine have crossed paths before. The former chief of Italy's McDonald's chain, Mario Resca, now supervises that country's chain of illustrious museums.


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Poster: banditos33 Date: Oct 5, 2009 4:19pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: I am honored..........

I guess that the restroom sign in France would state "Employees must not wash their hands before returng to work"

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Poster: DianaW Date: Oct 5, 2009 5:22am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

This is hysterical . . . we should be able to laugh at ourselves . . . and it has more than a kernel of truth. Much as I love 'em.

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Poster: grendelschoice Date: Oct 5, 2009 6:28am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

I love it. Could add a few other choice bits as well:

62. John Lennon still rolls in his grave every time a Deadhead cranks up a version of Garcia trying to sing "Revolution."

63. Bad enough Jerry got busted for freebasing. Worse that he got caught freebasing in a BMW.

64. Jerry dies after an album called "Built to Last" comes out.

65. Built to Last

66. Donna on vocals or a ferret being tortured. A sadly difficult choice.

I could go on and on....and don't forget...this is my favorite band,,, Ever!

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Poster: William Tell Date: Oct 5, 2009 7:08am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

Couldn't agree more...

But, re-reading: I disagree about "mellow"...

Not that it matters.

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Oct 5, 2009 7:31am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

gotta love #66 - sequentially, that is certainly a Top 10

:)

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Poster: sntb Date: Jun 18, 2010 11:54am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 61 Reasons to Hate the Grateful Dead

67. everyone's wardrobe on stage 1989-95. Phil dressed like the guy who waits for the bus for 14 hours a day. Jerry--"hmm, shorts or sweats tonight". Gross.
Bob--did anyone tripping in the front row every think Bob's strangled nuts were screaming out in pain, not him screaming out in mock-soul?

68. Brent's tinkle tinkle Billy Ocean/ local access band synth sound of 79-81.

69. Bob Weir becoming the epitome of repulsive white bar blues band members and hanger-outers. The ones who think Bruce Willis is actually pretty good at singing the blues.

70. The rest of the guys being so retarded comunication-wise, that they couldn't listen to Jerry and take just one god damn year off the road so he could get his act together.